Dating

So here I am again, dating. It is a wonderful time in my life. I am successful in my chosen carreer and am being called (by some) a cougar. Dating is so much fun, although I must say, guys are harder to read these days than I remember. Some are so gun-shy, the minute you start enjoying yourself they trip. Others are so afraid to be alone they rush it and scare me off. (Maybe I'm the one who's gun-shy.) I love men, and have more guy friends than girl friends. They are so much easier to get along with than women. Women are brutal! I do have a handful of girl friends that are close, but for the most part I have guy friends.

Started dating in January 2008. Went out with the sweetest guy. He had a young son, and was ready to settle down again. EEK! I'm sure he's replaced the Christine shaped hole in his front door by now. What ever happened to courting? Next I thought I'd just stick to my guy friends... Thought I'd go to the movies or to dinner with my guy friends. With one guy in particular we did do the movie thing pretty consistantly for about 4 months. Then one day over dinner he tells me that he wants to know where we stand as a couple, 'because we've been dating for 4 months now' where is it going? Lucky for me the restaurant had the doors wide open...

Seriously though, how did that get in his head? We hadn't held hands or kissed or... you know. So what am I doing wrong? I hear from some of my girlfriends that their guys are afraid to commit or to even call them their girlfriend. So why can't I have that casual non commited relationship where we just have fun and skip the drama??? Do I have a sign that says 'If your needy hook up with me!' on my booty??? Okay so he and I still go out to the movies, but I did have to sit him down and explain that: #1 he's 17 years younger than I am, and #2 I really need a man who's a little bit more aggresive and confident. And WTF is up with guys who ask if they can kiss you or say as they are doing so "I'm coming in, I'm gonna kiss you, don't turn away" Baby, if you are gonna do it echele ganas! Don't even want to imagine what sex is like with that guy!

So then this whole time my X, Javi's dad, is living with me, but not with me. And he trips too. Although, he is a really good kisser... But I digress. We did share a few kisses, but as my gramma would say "la chancla que tire, no vuelvo a juntar" (roughly translated: 'what I've thrown out, I won't go back to pick up'). We are better parents as friends. Next a string of dates with guys my chronological age, but mentally at least 20 yrs my senior or 20 yrs my junior. Not one good kisser in the bunch. Then...

My girl friends (and my X hates when I say girl friend, cuz he hears girlfriend and gets exciting pix in his brain) put a profile on a dating website for me. Again, a few weird dates in public places. Until this One. My friend picked him out because his profile said he was not looking for a serious relationship, only someone to catch a flick or have a meal with. Hey sounds like a winner! He made me very relaxed. He's not looking to marrry anytime soon, not possesive, incredibly confident, and a great kisser. We hit it off, but he does ocasionally freak out on me. I have to remind him 'we're just having fun, so sit back, relax and enjoy'. No shotguns, no unplanned pregnancies, no gold bands...

OUR FIRST DATE

It was really interesting, because I wasn't going to go on the date, in fact I kept puting it off. Then, I decided, I should just get it over with, what do I have to lose? except maybe a little time, right? When I saw him, he was soooo not my type! I immediately started trying to think of a nice way to get the heck out of there. I was so sure I wasn't staying, I ordered water. Can't drink and drive, right? There was something about the way it felt when he put his hand on my back to guide me out of the place, that made me want to stay just a little longer. It was calming and exciting at the same time, sort of like sex. What the heck? OK, let's hang out for just a little longer and see how this plays out, but I'm still just drinking water! We walked down Main St in Ventura and went to a hole in the wall cantina, just walked in and out again. Then he took me to a different place and we sat outside in the patio and talked. It was cold but I was really interested in what he was saying. (What? He's not your type!) He had his arm on the back of the couch, just brushing my back slightly when we moved. I liked it or as George Lopez would say 'I likeded it.' He put his hand on my back and started caressing me. Not to terribly bold, but provocative. Again, I likeded it. Felt so ol' skool. I likeded it. I'm really having a good time with him. It's so refreshing to not have any expectations or have anything demanded of you...

I am so at peace and happy. I truly believe a relationship, whether a friendship or a romantic mingling, should take some nurturing, but not stress you out! I'm so liking this... No strings attached (unless we're in a bondage sort of mood ;o) Mind you, he still has his moments of uncontrolled weirdness and paranoia, but I'm dealing with it. He is by no stretch of the imagination perfect, but that's the cool part. He doesn't have to be, no expectations. There is a quote my dad gave me 'Blessed are those who expect nothing, for they shall not be disappointed'. I love that! He says he's never met anyone quite like me. I get that often, but not usually as a compliment. It's usually after I ask him to leave cuz 'I'd like to go to sleep now, please.'

I've never had a relationship with a man that didn't start out as purely physical. And by the way, it's men who confuse sex with love. How does that happen? How do you confuse leg shaking, sweaty, grunting and groaning, bodily fluid exchanging, painfully pleasurable sex with love if you don't even know their last name, favorite food, pet peeve, tickle spot, political view, life ambitions, or sometimes even their first name. I'm just sayin'. Not that tht's ever happened to me. I've married my one night stands, so I wouldn't know. My dad has one bit of advise for me now that I'm divorced again. 'Mija you like shopping right? So go out with these guys, try them on walk around the store, try something else on, if you want to go back to that first one, try it on again. You don't have to marry them just because you don't want to hurt their feelings... They're men, they'll get over it.' He even went so far as to give me the advice I gave him when contemplating leaving my mom. 'Mijita, you need to follow your bliss and be happy. You can't be miserable so someone else won't get hurt.'

Where was I going with this?

Our brain is truly an amazing organ. Fragile and omnipotent. Our best asset or our worst flaw.