Who let go first? Was it mutual?

Childhood classmate Mike's son IzaaK and a gorgeous Colorado Sunrise. For those of you who know me it's not that Mike!



How is it that we lose touch with family and friends. Perhaps it's like the dust bunnies under the sofa that get swept away or vacuumed into oblivion once a week. (if I'm in the mood) I just don't think that we think about it when we're doing it. I think it's more than that. The expression itself conjured images of a tactile bond between you and that friend or family member, lost, eradicated, frittered away? So, does that mean we literally have to let loose our grip? Consciously, physically, with malice of forethought, forget them? This whole experience of losing someone to a tragic accident has made me think.

What other wonderful things am I missing. What incredible blessings am I not receiving. The picture above? I sat at my computer for who knows how long staring at it. Imagining my friend hunting deer with his son. Stalking, shooting, dressing it. Then I was there, I could feel the crisp cool Colorado air sting my face as I walked along the fence. The sound of my boots crunching through the snow with each careful step I took. The wind filling my nose with that smell of sage like the memory of vacations past, as I take in a deep breath of the cold clean air and watch the steamy hot cloud of my own breath in front of me.

It really is the small things in life that set you free to enjoy the everyday blessings we have and sometimes take advantage of. So Mike if you're reading this, from the bottom of my heart, Thank you! and keep sending the pix. I'm swamped and won't be able to get away until after the new year, but this mini vacation to Colorado helped!

I had a friend who used to irk me no end when he would interrupt me mid-sentence when I said things llike " I just don't think, that yada, yada, yada..." He would always stop me at "I just don't think." Maybe he had something there. Maybe that's how I've lost track of friends like him, his wife, Pat, Mike and countless other people I saw everyday for at least 13 years. Broke bread with them, attended school sporting events, studied at the library, went clubbing, occasionally had sleep overs at their house, and later in adulthood shared my space when they came to visit and slept over on the couch or floor. Did I just not think about them?

So my question is: Is this losing touch a one sided affair? I hold my 4 yr old son's hand when we are in the street or in parking lot as we walk out to the car. I let go of his hand to get the keys, but he's still clinging onto mine. When he does this, naturally, I keep hold and wait until we are bumping into the car to tell him I have to get the keys out to unlock the door. After all, is it not true, that if you are holding someone Else's hand and let go they are still holding onto yours for a split second before they make a conscious decision to let go or grasp yours tighter? I remember getting a messages from an old classmates and thinking, I don't have time to talk right now, so I'll call them later when I have a free moment. I never did make that call. Sorry Cheryl! It's not like my time is spent on more meaningful things. After all, I am here blogging when I could be calling back or making arrangements to see so and so!

Well, I have to admit though, it is great to hear from someone you haven't seen in years. It is fun catching up! This past week I have made contact with more friends than I have in a long while. We came from a small class of about 60 from k-8. Close knit. Now we are scattered across the globe, some in Mexico, Texas, Arizona, Colorado, New York, Utah, Chile, Colombia and some right here in the same county. I am always a little stand offish at first, because I really don't remember if we parted on bad terms, or if we truly just lost touch. I have always been able to make friends easily, it's the keeping in touch with them that I know, I am bad at. I am the sort of person that likes some alone time and a little anonymity. I think that's what appealed to me about blogs. I ran across a movie review that was linked to a link that linked me to another link that linked to a link of a friend(that I had lost touch with)'s blog. I enjoy reading the blogs I find, especially if it's the blog of someone I know or a topic I'm currently concerned with. It's a way to keep up on they're goings on from a distance, were I can still get some work done and not have to leave the office.

Don't get me wrong, I do so, very much enjoy the company of a good friend. They are the people who keep you from the harsh eyes of the critical, the one's that are left after the party to help you clean up a bit, after the divorce to help you pick up the pieces and move on, the ones who aren't afraid to tell you, 'girl, what were you thinking?' the ones that just listen when you need to talk, lend a shoulder to cry on when needed and get screaming happy for you when they have no idea why they are screaming happy for you, because you can't seem to get a word out, but have successfully gotten across to them that it is time to celebrate. I know, I know, My hubby is a great friend and can cover most everything I've mentioned, (although if we divorce it's highly unlikely he'll be hiring the srtipper for the divorce party), but he just can't hit those shrill notes you make when you are going to see your favorite artist in concert (for the twelvth time), or when the cute guy from CSI was filming behind your office and came in to use your restroom or whatever. Guys just don't do schoolgirl very well. at least not my guy. So here's to all the screaming schoolgirls I've recently reacquainted myself with!!!

WEEHA!!! LET'S DO LUNCH!!!

Getting back in the game! (and other random thoughts)

I found out last night that a friend of mine passed away in a tragic accident. A few months ago, my father had a stroke. Last month I turned forty. My father's stroke affected me profoundly. Life is too short to lose touch with friends. I no longer wait for things to happen or for people to be ready.

My husband and I lived on a horse ranch for a number of years raising our sons. He is a breeder/trainer of racing thoroughbreds. We had always planned our vacations and other family functions around the breeding season and basically the horses schedules. Horses need to be fed and pens and stables need to be cleaned daily. Most family functions were planned without my husband involved. The boys and I went to movies, camping, out to dinner sans papa. Since leaving the ranch, Huicho (wee cho) my husband, has a normal 7-3:30 m-f normal everyday job, yet I still found myself waiting for him to have free time to go to Yosemite or Disneyland or whatever. I found myself at Yosemite with my son, my father and Huicho's cousin's wife and kids. Single parent vacation....Again.

I found out about my dad's stroke while watching Migui's soccer practice. I was there at the field checking my voice mail. After I hung up and the news sank in. I called my husband. It was a Thursday, which happens to be a practice night for his band (they practice in our basement.) I told him I needed him to drive me to the hospital when I got home. When I finally did get home, 6:30 pm, he informed me very matter-of-factly that I should bathe Migui and change him, after all band practice wasn't over until 9pm and we can't visit grampa sweaty. Not quite sure that he had understood me, I repeated that my dad had had a stroke (using 'embolio' the work I believed to be the Spanish word for stoke) and was in the hospital. I began to doubt myself as to the correct Spanish word for stroke. He said he did understand, but practice wasn't over until 9. I blurted out something like... 'if it was your dad we wouldn't be having this conversation, we'd be racing off to the hospital.' With that said I gathered myself and my children and headed off to the hospital. As I pulled out of the driveway my phone rang. I answered it but I must have driven 1/2 a block before I realized it was my husband telling me to wait for him as I saw him in the rear view mirror chasing me down the street on foot.

Something happened to me that evening visiting my dad. As I watched the nurse adjust the wires and tubes attached to my dad's chest. He's had a severe heart condition since 1974, so his heart was hooked up to a beeping monitor too, wireless no less. I am such a big baby and a Daddy's girl too. It took all I had not to lose it as I watched him struggle just to adjust his blanket. Since that evening, I no longer wait for my husband to finish whatever chore he thinks is important to take the kids out for Saturday morning breakfast. I now announce the hour we will be leaving at on Saturday morning and I leave, with or without hubby. In all the years Huicho and I have been together, the kids and I have waited as breakfast has turned to brunch or sometimes lunch waiting for him to finish one thing or another or to get back from yard sailing. We always had weekend breakfast as a family then took the kids shopping or to the movies or visiting friends and family. We have never missed a family weekend day unless someone was out of town. Family is very important to both myself and my husband. After the first time he was left, Huicho has made it a priority to be available at the specified time. The lines have been more clearly defined. I no longer wait for things to happen or wonder: What if?

I have never been accused of being shy or shying away from a challenge. Whether it was asking a boy to dance at a Jr high dance or starting my own business. Sometimes it gets me into a lot of trouble, but my mouth can usually get me out of anything it's gotten me into. I think I lost a little of that in my first divorce- I don't know where it went, but IT IS BACK, BABY!!! I feel so much more alive now.

May 2005, I decided, after driving my parents hand me down vehicles (a 76 Volvo wagon and an 86 Volvo sedan) for 15+ years and several comments from clients and friends, that I would buy a new car. I went online to research my choices and decided a certified pre-owner Toyota Highlander was the car for me. It had to have less than 20k, be a certified pre-owner with full warranty and of course it had to be silver and have all the bells and whistles I wanted and be priced less than 17k, not too much to ask for, right? I found my car, except for the color. It was a white 2003 highlander and was Certified pre-owner with less than 12k miles. I fell in love and decided I could overlook it's one defect - the color. We negotiated for a few hours and a few walk-outs on my part. I finally got the car for the price I wanted and on May 28, 2005 I drove home in my new (to me) car. I went immediately to my friend JB's Allstate office to get insurance. At the time I was of the mindset that you only buy insurance because it's the law in CA. He gave me a quote for six months that was more than what I had paid for my two other vehicles for a year. I explained my point of view and declared that it was just plain robbery. After I calmed down, he explained my coverage saying that the minimum the law requires is ridiculous. He told me I was fully covered saying I could go out and destroy two beamers and a hummer and still be covered. I told him, since not required, I didn't want the uninsured/underinsured motorist and rental stuff. As I uttered 'You wide lapel, beige polyester leisure suit wearing thief!' under my breath. (he doesn't really wear polyester he's more a preppie yuppie!) Just a salesman's way of getting another 2 cents from us. He assured me it wasn't that much more money for the coverage and if I later decide I really didn't want it we could always change the coverage. Well Okay JB your the expert and my friend, so I trust you.

June 25, 2005 My husband took the kids out for dinner and a movie so I could have a few hours of "me" time. Around 9:30pm I hear the front door. Javi came downstairs to let me know they were home and he's hungry are there any leftovers? He tells me Migui is asleep in the new car and Huicho doesn't want to wake him by bringing him inside. I went outside to reason with my hubby, after all, he can't sleep in the car the whole night! He's just shy of three and he probably won't even wake up when you bring him in. Huicho brought him in and tucked him in as I waited in the living room to hear about the movie. I hear Javi shuffling around in the kitchen then outside, tires screetching around the corner up the hill we live on. I hear the impact of the cars colliding and the tires screetching and metal crunching against metal. My husband and I jump up and start running up the stairs. My husband flies up them two and three at a time. Half way up I hear more screetching of tires and a harder louder impact and the unforgettable sound of metal crumpling, cement breaking and the heart wrenching sound of my new (to me) car's alarm, then a eerie silence and again tires screetching on down the street. As I race through the kitchen and upstairs living room Javi stops me at the door. He hugs me and says "Remember mom, you never liked the color." He is still holding my hand as I reach the gate to our white picket fence. I walked out to take a closer look at my new (not anymore) car's damage.

The driver, an unlicensed, uninsured, drunk young man out celebrating his 21st birthday, totaled my car while driving an unregistered vehicle just minutes after my husband takes my toddler out of the back seat. I thank God for the timing. If, but for the grace of God, a few minutes earlier... He also totaled my neighbors older truck and ripped out freshly laid sod in another neighbor up the streets lawn trying to escape. Since Foothill is a loop and has only one exit. My husband waits for him in his truck to come down the hill while on the cell with a 911 operator. Just following slowly behind on the phone with the police informing them where he's headed. My hero! We didn't need to get a plate number, because he left his bumper embedded in the side of my car. After sideswiping the neighbors truck he drove head on into my car sending it flying over the curb sandwiching it between his car and my little pine.




I am now such a big fan of Insurance and JB Woods: Allstate agent at large!!! I took my insurance check about 9k more than I paid for the 2003 and bought a brand spanking new Highlander with all the bells and whistles and the perfect shade of millennium Silver Woohoo!

Now Today I am an advocate for insurance, so much so, that when JB decided to relocate to Colorado, I began the process to acquire his Allstate agency. (If you don't already, you should sit down once a year with your agent and reexamine your coverage, both property and life. It is so very important.) Now that I have passed their background, credit checks and what not, I am heading out to Sacramento, New York and Chicago over the next few months to complete the education process. Allstate U here I come!! My husband and I are thrilled, excited and scared all at the same time. He travels sporadically in his job and sometimes it's spur of the moment. Hopefully he won't need to travel while I'm away. I don't think my mom could take Migui and Javi together for more than 4 or 5 hours. So keep us in your prayers or send out good thoughts, whatever your preference, Wish us well in our new venture together. My hubby is so great and well suited for the sales part. I've got the basics of insurance down and know how to manage a business, so I am very excited!!! My dream has always been to be business partners as well as partners in the business of life and raising children with my husband.

Precious moments

This is my youngest son Migui, the only one who will still let me photograph him. Here he is my littlest graduate. He is three at his pre-pre-school graduation. The yellow string around his neck is a camera, not digital, so I'll have to wait to get the film digitalized. He is so damn cute.

Wow I actually found a photo of my two babies. Javi is 15 (left) and Migui is 4. Javi is a rare bird. He is very compassionate and truly believes that right is right is right. He is an incredible young man. He is very intelligent and handsome and I am so very proud of him. He is just a wonderful person and will be a great man. Migui is a wild child. He never stops. He even giggles in his sleep. He is now at that age where testing fences is so very tempting. He enjoys threatening capital punishment. I made the mistake of threatening (jokingly) to beat him in the street with a stick like a pinata. He liked that, so now every time the Brudda ship (Javi) doesn't want to play with him or give him what he wants, he tells him "Mommy's gonna beat you with a stick!"

SUPERMAN WINGED!!!

On August 10th I learned by voice mail that my father, picture above with my niece Lola, had had a stoke. I also learned that day that he had actually had the stroke on Monday Aug 7th. For some reason, I always have seen my dad as larger than life and pretty damned near invincible. He is the kind of man that could do literally anything. He sport fished, raced bicycles, raced motorcycles, camped out, fixed cars, built his own house, built his own shop, (which I think has more sq Ft than my home) he remodeled his kitchen (last week) is remodeling his bathroom (probably as I write this) and so on.

My daddy would call me at work and tell me that he was going to pick up my car at work and would try to have it back by lunch time. He would change the oil and on occasion if he felt he needed to, buy new tires for the car I drove his grandkids around in. I can't remember a time when my dad would sit down for more than a meal or a good boxing match. I see my father, now after the stroke, and it pains me. He is trying too hard to be 'normal', I guess. He still can't open his hand all the way and when he stands he leans a tad to the right, It looks like he'll fall over, unbalanced. His wife and my sisters seem to think that its not a big thing. I am quite scared. I worry about him. He's alone most of the time, and it's not like he's the type to be inside or watching a movie or God forbid, taking a siesta like a good Mexican. You'll most likely find him under a car or checking something on the roof. I know I can't expect him to alter his life just to make me feel better, but I want him to slow down. He'll be 74 in 3 months.

I have to hand it to him though, he is in great spirits. Still the same old Grumpy Gil. (He's not grumpy, just JC couldn't say grampa when he was little and it stuck.) I pray for him and hope that anyone who reads this will too. My daddy is one of a kind and as special as they come. I get my 'stick to my guns' attitude from him and some say my stubbornness too. Thanks Dad I believe both have helped me all my life. So I really do feel quite grateful that he's walking and using his arms and not worse. Superman winged, but not grounded!


My oldest son JC and I are planning a road trip. The grand canyon, Carmel, Carlsbad caverns, and maybe a few other stops. He's 15 and hopes that we can go in a year, so that he can drive while I sleep. YEAH RIGHT! How am I going to be able to sleep if he's driving? For now I'm still trying to get my husband to take some time off of work so that we can go on vacation as a family. The kids want to take him to Yosemite or Sequoia, because he's never been. I don't care where we go as long as Huicho (hubby) goes too. He's never been anywhere but Vegas. He hasn't even traveled his home country. He is a workaholic. I only got him to take three days off to get married in Vegas because I threatened not to marry him and put my own last name on our child. It's a Mexican thing I guess. What's in a name. Even then we had to leave after work on Friday and had to be back Monday night early enough so that he could be rested to get back to work Tuesday morn.

Well, I'm off to Vegas on Monday! It's mandatory, work, you know, duty calls... Actually it is business. The IRS put on it's Annual IRS forums so that tax preparers can come together in one place and hear first hand from the IRS what's new, what's changed, and how we can better serve our clients. So I get a week in Vegas, three days of seminars, and I get to write it all of on my taxes. It's like a Vegas mini Vacation courtesy of Uncle Sam. I'm excited. I need a vacation. In June my mom had surgery, in July my aunt had surgery and this month, my dad had a stoke. I need some time to unwind. We're refinancing and looking for investment properties, so I need to clear my head, relax, unwind and get ready for reality again. I am soo soo looking forward to getting away. My hubby threatens to go every year, but has never made it once in ten years. I really wish he would go. I think we should get away together just the two of us.

I drove my best friend to Pomona on Friday. She was being sworn in as a US citizen. I could hardly believe it. I had no idea she was not already a US citizen. The ceremony was scheduled for noon. She was told to be there by 11:30. We arrived at 11:30 and waited until noon in the blazing sun. Next we were herded (there were 2,543 people being sworn in that day plus their guests) through the fairgrounds to an auditorium where they split the guests apart from the applicants. Then we waited again in the blazing sun for another 15 min. Finally the auditorium was opened and we were let in. We waited until 1:15 before the applicants were let in and ushered to their seats. After a few people spoke on the responsibilities as a US citizen, the swearing in took about 5 minutes the a word from our Commander in Chief. All was pretty dry, the they played a video by someone who I didn't quite catch there name, just that they were a Vietnam Vet and country singer. The video showed soldiers in uniform being sworn in and waving their flags, little kids on the shoulders of parents being sworn in and it was just all too much for me. I wept. I try to be a good citizen, but realized that there is so much to really be thankful for as a citizen. As the song said 'proud to be an American where at least I know I'm free". Wow. Something to think about while thousands risk there lives very day for my freedom and yours. Also while thousand risk there lives for better lives trying to cross our borders. People are literally dying to get into this country that we citizens some times take for granted.

Well, hubby just called wanted to know if I was coming home tonight or should he bring a pillow and blanket. Later...

Finding old friends in new places

I was looking for accredited educational sites to renew my notary commission last week and stumbled upon the blog of an old friend. We met in the second grade and were best of friends until senior year in high school, when we didn't have many classes or interests in common. We remained friends and social until we were both married and both had our first child. After that she decided that her marriage was too fragile to sustain friendship with anyone other than her husband. I'm not really sure the real reasons, but we lost contact for a number of years. I was reading her blogs and having known her for so many of her earlier years, at least 25, it seemed so plastic. I then got to thinking about my own life and how much has changed and come together since my first child was born. I wish her the very best and truly hope that she is living the life she writes about.

Anyway, back to my perfect life. I am self employed and find it very difficult to manage home, business and family. My husband is a naturalized US citizen. His country of birth is Mexico. He grew up poor. Not the poor that comes to mind to anyone who has never been outside of the US, but third world poor. The kind of poor that leaves children crying in the dark as they lay helpless against the bugs that ravage their once soft, silky, innocent skin on their straw mats (if they are fortunate enough to have one) just to one side of the brick walls of their dirt floor home, kind of poor. My husband, before he met me, had never had a Birthday cake, much less a birthday party. Up until his fortieth birthday, we had always celebrated his birthday by dining out with my parents and siblings. On his fortieth birthday, also a week after he was sworn in as a US citizen, I threw my husband a surprise Birthday party. I invited his band mates and their families, his friends and relatives (and there are quite a few!) and my friends and relatives. I had the event catered and ordered a huge tres leches cake decorated for the birthday boy, and of course a Pinata. He had a wonderful time mingling with everyone. I had a hard time trying to pin him down to open his gifts, in fact I never could do it. The party was scheduled to end at 10, but the last guest finally left at 3am. after we finished cleaning up the sun was rising. It was beautiful. I finally asked him if he was ever going to open his gifts. As he did he started to weep. He said that he couldn't bring himself to open the gifts in front of everyone. He had never actually gotten a birthday gift from anyone besides me.

From this, I took this lesson: Never assume that what you did as a child, the fun you had at birthday parties, sleep overs, camping, Disneyland and so on, are common experiences with your spouse, friends or coworkers. I too am of Mexican decent, however I am third generation American and the cultural differences between myself and my husband are far wider than the Grand Canyon and sometimes easier to cross.

Time to put the toddler down.....