Finding Hidden Treasures

I am constantly amazed at the weird and wonderful twists and turns in this adventure we call life...

A few short weeks ago I was invited to go out to the comedy club in the Harbor. What was supposed to have happened was: I was going to meet my 2 girl friends one of their new beaus, along with my X and his friend at the Comedy Club.

My X was going to drop off our son at the bowling alley, then pick up his friend then meet us at Comedy. I got a call from my son that he was going to need me to take him and his friends. Not a problem. Then I get a call from the X asking if I can pick up his friend, because he's on my way to the Club. OK sure fine not a problem. Okay so now I've dropped off my son, picked up the X's friend and am at the Harbor. I find out that only one of my girlfriends is going to make it. I'm still holding out hope that my X is going to show up, but never does. So here I am with this guy, and my girlfriend and her new beau. Awkward! Comedy was hilarious! Enjoyed myself completely.

So Comedy is over, my friend and her new beau have other plans, and I still have to wait around another 2 hours to go pick up my son. I ask the guy if he wants to go look for a good spot to hang out at on Main St. til it's time to pick up my son. He agrees, we take off to Main St.

We were walking down Main St. when I hear this woman singing in this little hole in the wall place. I wanted to go in. Something about her voice called me. I was absolutely drawn to that place. He wanted me to show him where I usually hung out. So we walked a few blocks more then turned around and started heading back. I wasn't taking no for an answer this time, we were going to go inside and listen to that woman sing. So we went inside. There was no open tables, so I asked this gorgeous Latino sitting alone at the only table with 2 open seats if we could sit in the 2 extra chairs he had at his table. He graciously allowed us to sit at his table. To my dismay, the song she was singing, 'At last' was her last song of the evening. I was a bit upset, so I asked the guy to find out when she would be singing here again. He got up and went to get the info I requested. In the mean time, I am drooling over this Latino's luscious lips. I started up a conversation with him. He was busy texting. He finally gave me his full attention and wanted to know if the guy I was with was my husband or boyfriend. Neither, I answered, and we continued our conversation about what we each did for a living. He asked me if I preferred black men. I had to let him know that I had never dated a black guy, that I was attracted to Latinos. The guy comes back, I send him for a drink. We continue our conversation. He asked me if I knew exactly what it was that I was attracted to in Latino men. Then he started talking to me in Spanish, I hadn't even noticed that the guy had come back. He asked me to get him a quote and gave me his phone number. I put his number in my phone and called him so that he'd have mine as well.

He said his good-byes and told me what a pleasure it was to meet me. Gave me that 2 handed handshake that men do when they just want to touch as much of you as they can get away with... And he was gone.

The guy turned to me and said how incredibly rude it was for us to be speaking Spanish just to exclude him from the conversation. I assured him that was not the intention. He assured me that it most certainly was the gentleman's intention if not mine. He proceeded to politely tell me that it was rude for his date to be flirting with other men right in front of his face... Excuse me? Your date??? He then let me know that my X had set me up with him. He was not going to accept that I didn't know. But I didn't. Then my son, who by the way, has impeccable timing, called to let me know it was time to go pick him up... Yeah! Okay buddy think what you want, but I've gotta go drop you off so I can pick up my son and his friends. Later!

I didn't hold out much hope that the Latino with the Luscious lips would call me. If I wanted to start something I would probably have to really get him a quote on Monday... To my surprise, by the time the guy and I had reached my car, Lips had already text me. He had said what a pleasure it was to have met me, and that he would very much like to see me again for a cup of coffee or a drink or just anything and he said he hoped I had an enjoyable evening. WOW!

To be continued....

Who changed the rules? Is it still the same game?

OH MY! I think I need a playbook. What the heck is going on? I was so thrilled at having a drama free guy! Where did he go? Maybe it's me? I was enjoying going out and seeing movies, having dinner, just kicking it with his friends or mine. I really really enjoyed it. Now it's gotten weird.

For instance, last weekend there was a BBQ at his friends house. His friends invited me and him separately. I hadn't heard from him to say that 'we' were going or anything. So the day of, I informed him, that I would be going. I was after all invited. I just hoped he wouldn't mind. He just says sure, pick up a b-day card for him and that's was it, like no big thing. So I assume (I know, I know, never assume) that we are just going as 2 friends, like anybody else. I am cool with that.

So I get there, I start to mingle, strike up a conversation with the b-day boy's sister and friend. Doing the get to know everybody thing. Then he comes over and starts talking to me. Cool! He's a great conversationalist. Then he introduces me to his boss and a few other co-workers. I walk outside, he joins me, introduces me to other friends. Then he's back inside and I'm outside talking with the guys out there.

All in all, a good time was had by all (or at least I had a good time). Once the crowd thinned, there were a few of the b-day boys closest friends left. And as tradition dictates, the guys had to tell the new friend all of their most embarrasing and funny stories. I am really enjoying the story-telling when he (the guy formerly known as Drama-Free) get's up and announces that we should be leaving now. (OH no you dih-n't homey) Oh, but yes, he did.

So now I'm wondering... WTF? Are we or aren't we? And if we are, what are we? Or are you just being dramatic? I need to talk to this boy cuz I just don't get it. Again...WTF?

Dating

So here I am again, dating. It is a wonderful time in my life. I am successful in my chosen carreer and am being called (by some) a cougar. Dating is so much fun, although I must say, guys are harder to read these days than I remember. Some are so gun-shy, the minute you start enjoying yourself they trip. Others are so afraid to be alone they rush it and scare me off. (Maybe I'm the one who's gun-shy.) I love men, and have more guy friends than girl friends. They are so much easier to get along with than women. Women are brutal! I do have a handful of girl friends that are close, but for the most part I have guy friends.

Started dating in January 2008. Went out with the sweetest guy. He had a young son, and was ready to settle down again. EEK! I'm sure he's replaced the Christine shaped hole in his front door by now. What ever happened to courting? Next I thought I'd just stick to my guy friends... Thought I'd go to the movies or to dinner with my guy friends. With one guy in particular we did do the movie thing pretty consistantly for about 4 months. Then one day over dinner he tells me that he wants to know where we stand as a couple, 'because we've been dating for 4 months now' where is it going? Lucky for me the restaurant had the doors wide open...

Seriously though, how did that get in his head? We hadn't held hands or kissed or... you know. So what am I doing wrong? I hear from some of my girlfriends that their guys are afraid to commit or to even call them their girlfriend. So why can't I have that casual non commited relationship where we just have fun and skip the drama??? Do I have a sign that says 'If your needy hook up with me!' on my booty??? Okay so he and I still go out to the movies, but I did have to sit him down and explain that: #1 he's 17 years younger than I am, and #2 I really need a man who's a little bit more aggresive and confident. And WTF is up with guys who ask if they can kiss you or say as they are doing so "I'm coming in, I'm gonna kiss you, don't turn away" Baby, if you are gonna do it echele ganas! Don't even want to imagine what sex is like with that guy!

So then this whole time my X, Javi's dad, is living with me, but not with me. And he trips too. Although, he is a really good kisser... But I digress. We did share a few kisses, but as my gramma would say "la chancla que tire, no vuelvo a juntar" (roughly translated: 'what I've thrown out, I won't go back to pick up'). We are better parents as friends. Next a string of dates with guys my chronological age, but mentally at least 20 yrs my senior or 20 yrs my junior. Not one good kisser in the bunch. Then...

My girl friends (and my X hates when I say girl friend, cuz he hears girlfriend and gets exciting pix in his brain) put a profile on a dating website for me. Again, a few weird dates in public places. Until this One. My friend picked him out because his profile said he was not looking for a serious relationship, only someone to catch a flick or have a meal with. Hey sounds like a winner! He made me very relaxed. He's not looking to marrry anytime soon, not possesive, incredibly confident, and a great kisser. We hit it off, but he does ocasionally freak out on me. I have to remind him 'we're just having fun, so sit back, relax and enjoy'. No shotguns, no unplanned pregnancies, no gold bands...

OUR FIRST DATE

It was really interesting, because I wasn't going to go on the date, in fact I kept puting it off. Then, I decided, I should just get it over with, what do I have to lose? except maybe a little time, right? When I saw him, he was soooo not my type! I immediately started trying to think of a nice way to get the heck out of there. I was so sure I wasn't staying, I ordered water. Can't drink and drive, right? There was something about the way it felt when he put his hand on my back to guide me out of the place, that made me want to stay just a little longer. It was calming and exciting at the same time, sort of like sex. What the heck? OK, let's hang out for just a little longer and see how this plays out, but I'm still just drinking water! We walked down Main St in Ventura and went to a hole in the wall cantina, just walked in and out again. Then he took me to a different place and we sat outside in the patio and talked. It was cold but I was really interested in what he was saying. (What? He's not your type!) He had his arm on the back of the couch, just brushing my back slightly when we moved. I liked it or as George Lopez would say 'I likeded it.' He put his hand on my back and started caressing me. Not to terribly bold, but provocative. Again, I likeded it. Felt so ol' skool. I likeded it. I'm really having a good time with him. It's so refreshing to not have any expectations or have anything demanded of you...

I am so at peace and happy. I truly believe a relationship, whether a friendship or a romantic mingling, should take some nurturing, but not stress you out! I'm so liking this... No strings attached (unless we're in a bondage sort of mood ;o) Mind you, he still has his moments of uncontrolled weirdness and paranoia, but I'm dealing with it. He is by no stretch of the imagination perfect, but that's the cool part. He doesn't have to be, no expectations. There is a quote my dad gave me 'Blessed are those who expect nothing, for they shall not be disappointed'. I love that! He says he's never met anyone quite like me. I get that often, but not usually as a compliment. It's usually after I ask him to leave cuz 'I'd like to go to sleep now, please.'

I've never had a relationship with a man that didn't start out as purely physical. And by the way, it's men who confuse sex with love. How does that happen? How do you confuse leg shaking, sweaty, grunting and groaning, bodily fluid exchanging, painfully pleasurable sex with love if you don't even know their last name, favorite food, pet peeve, tickle spot, political view, life ambitions, or sometimes even their first name. I'm just sayin'. Not that tht's ever happened to me. I've married my one night stands, so I wouldn't know. My dad has one bit of advise for me now that I'm divorced again. 'Mija you like shopping right? So go out with these guys, try them on walk around the store, try something else on, if you want to go back to that first one, try it on again. You don't have to marry them just because you don't want to hurt their feelings... They're men, they'll get over it.' He even went so far as to give me the advice I gave him when contemplating leaving my mom. 'Mijita, you need to follow your bliss and be happy. You can't be miserable so someone else won't get hurt.'

Where was I going with this?

Our brain is truly an amazing organ. Fragile and omnipotent. Our best asset or our worst flaw.